Parenting, Toddler

Parenting fail: The tale of the idiot and the hot fireman

When i think of myself I like to think I’m this cool, calm and collected, unflappable person. In reality, I am actually ridiculous. There is no time like when you are trusted with the massive responsibility of raising mini people to show you what a shambles you are. This is far from one of the many ridiculous situations I’ve found myself in but retrospectively it’s quite funny. At the time it was absolutely not,  but of course I’m going to share it anyway.

Soo …. This one time, I was 8.5 months pregnant and waddling around like a beach ball on legs. Really crap legs, as I also had sciatica which made my legs go completely numb and me walk like  a penguin with incontinence issues. (Pregnancy is such a glamorous time.) Mat leave had finally begun and my little one year old was still at nursery in the mornings.  I enjoyed this free time by lying in bed, eating and binge watching Gossip Girl on Netflix. Suddenly I realised i’d pushed it one episode too far and was running late for pick up time.  I jumped….well rolled…. off my bed and rushed to the nursery, looking like an utter tramp thanks to my old leggings, baggy jumper, unbrushed hair and make up free face.

I made it just in time and, despite appearances, was feeling quite the success. This smugness was my first error. On the walk back to the car I dropped my keys. Thankfully I had my very helpful little toddler sidekick to pick them up. He spent the walk happily jingling them beside me. Unfortunately for me he wasn’t keen on parting with the keys. As anyone who has had the task of wrestling a toddler into a car seat will appreciate, you will do anything to make your life easier during this time.  I let him hold onto the keys. Now that he was successfully restrained I closed the door.  Suddenly remembering the keys I reached for the door handle, and at the very same time, as if in slow motion, my little cherub clicked the button to lock all the doors.

I began softly trying to encourage him to press the button to unlock it, to which he laughed and giggled with clearly no intention of doing so. I was becoming more panicky and borderline hysterical by the moment. A passer by mum stopped to check I was OK. She too tried to coax my stubborn child to play the game and unlock the door. Again no success. And then the keys fell from his hand to the floor of the car. The other mum rushed back into nursery to see if there was anything available that could help to open the door. This brought several members of nursery staff out. The only suggestion was that they call the fire brigade to break the window. I was at the stage now that if someone had suggested the car should be cut in half I would have agreed. My little boy was laughing and loving the attention throughout.

It seemed like hours had passed and I was now struggling to hold it together and dissolved into a hormonal mess of tears. Proper hideous crying. Next minute the massive fire truck came screeching up, much to the excitement of my wee boy. The firemen came rushing out, quickly smashing the car window and retrieving the keys. I was so relieved I cried some more. Turning to thank the main fireman it was only then that I could appreciate that he looked closer to an extra from Magic Mike than real life fireman. Still cringe thinking of what a state I was, and I have never trusted a toddler to hold my keys again!

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